Recently,
I found myself stuck. You know the feeling. It wasn’t a particular problem that
had me spinning my wheels; it was more of an all-encompassing frustration, a
massive mental block preventing me from accomplishing anything at all. My
attention was scattered. My energy was low. I was putting minimal effort into
my work.
But, as I have many
times over the years, I returned to the advice a mentor gave me long ago: When
you’re overwhelmed, confused, or lack drive, look for the hard truths you’re
probably ignoring. Then, make a list. What do you know to be true but wish wasn’t?
What do you want to change but know you have to accept?
You probably don’t
have to think very hard for the answers. We all have a list, and I’m willing to
bet that they’re all only slightly variant from one another. More often that
not, the unwillingness to face one of these truths is what’s keeping you stuck.
Accepting each reality
head-on almost always loosens the knot, and frees up your energy to accept what
you can’t change, and change what you can. Most recently, my “hard truth” list
looked like this:
- 1.
It’s okay to be alone.
- 2.
I suck at a lot of things.
- 3.
Most people won’t get me.
- 4.
Maintaining relationships takes effort.
- 5.
People are self-absorbed, myself included.
- 6.
Suffering is good.
- 7.
I only get stronger by doing hard things.
- 8.
Making a living requires making difficult
choices.
- 9.
Free things are worthless.
- It’s okay to be alone.
I don’t have to be
around people 24/7. I also don’t have to be friends with people I don’t enjoy
spending time with, or be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make me
happy. I’m better off when I can think of myself as good company.
- I suck at a lot of things.
Sometimes I try to
chase every single opportunity that comes my way — and most of the time; I’m
not as talented, competent, or brilliant as I think. The good news: This gives
me a reason to only focus on the things I’m truly good at. Isn’t that
liberating?
- Most people won’t get me.
And that’s okay. If I
can get comfortable with myself — comfortable enough to present the truest
version of myself to the world — the acceptance I get will be that much more
valuable. And the people who provide it will become the ones who matter most.
- Maintaining relationships takes effort.
Never take people for
granted, or they might walk away.
- People are self-absorbed, myself included.
We all spend most of
our mental energy thinking about ourselves. But it’s not necessarily a bad
thing. Self-reflection is how we become stronger, which in turn makes us better
equipped to help others.
- Suffering is good.
A little bit of pain
can bring a lot of perspective and empathy. Don’t be afraid of it.
- I only get stronger by doing hard things.
When life is easy, we
become complacent. Growth comes from doing things that require serious effort.
- Making a living requires making difficult
choices.
I have a finite amount
of time in a day, and anything I do is a choice about how to spend it: Will I
catch up on email or meet my friends at a bar? Will I spend an extra hour at
the office, or will I go catch a movie? I also have to be a person outside of
work. Navigating that balance requires an endless series of decisions.
- Free things are worthless.
When you give away all
your time or work for free, others won’t value it.
It’s painful — and
helpful — to be in my own discomfort. Wherever we are knotted, we have the
capacity to loosen. The way out is just to keep collecting lessons, and keep
paying attention to the ones we least want to see.
